An airline tale

[Riley Smith]

I used to go twice a month across the Atlantic to Nigeria. Oh joy! But they paid me a considerable amount of greenbacks to do this and I'd always wanted to travel some. Well, maybe domestically, but this was a whole other thing. Luckily there were only two flights and one was the regional jet to Atlanta. Then the Delta 767 ER (and that means "extended range") for the non-stop to Lagos. The commute actually wasn't too bad once you got in the groove of it and those flights home were DEFINITELY a joyous occasion. The home flight originated in Lagos and almost always for a year or so, it was the same crew over and back, so a sense of familiarity developed. Until they swapped crews.

I'd always select my seat and upgrade to economy comfort for more room. Perks of lots of sky miles, although I wouldn't splash and go business class. Well, as we were boarding in Lagos, there was max humidity and it reminded me of Mississippi right before a thunderstorm. And lucky me had selected the ome seat the air conditioner was leaking a stream on. This was a New York flight crew, not the regular one from Atlanta that knew me. And I was a white guy from Mississippi on a planeload of Nigerians. Yeah, I did, I got the reverse treatment. I had to stand the whole boarding process until they cranked the engines and the A/C started working. The FA gave me a napkin. I needed an umbrella. But I'm patient, although you have no idea how much water vapor is in the air. I kept the napkins the FA had given me until the a/c stopped streaming and then dried the seas the best I could and kicked back for the take-off.

Who cared? I'd be in Mississippi in just a few hours! I did write a letter, something I figured I'd never do. I wasn't so hot on that NY crew. Delta sent me some trinkets to placate me and that was that; just another blip in landscape. The worst trip was coming back to the US with a big storm coming off CONUS. We had to stop and refuel in San Juan and were late getting to immigration in Atlanta. Which put those of us used to arriving BEFORE immigration even opened, to arriving in the middle of THOUSANDS inbound from all over the globe. And missing the connection.

[Norm L.]

I'm not sure there is a good immigration set up in the U. S. After you do get through everything you have a long-forced walk to your connecting domestic flight.
I eventually got Global Access and that was a great improvement if you got a kiosk computer that was working properly.

I have been asked to speak at a conference in Nigeria in 2025. It's a place I've never been but I'm not sure I'm up to that flight. In 2021 I turned down a conference in Saudi as the only place you could have a drink was in a "secret" room in your hotel. And it is a bit like being at a conference in Beijing. It is so tightly run by the government. Efficiency is good but you don't want to feel like a puppet.
I used to love travel to unknown places. Now adventures are starting to lose their luster.

[Riley Smith]

It is definitely a different take and allows you to look back, much like looking at Earth from the moon. Man, those lights at Hilton Head were a beacon in the dark, I'm here to tell you. I never once felt unsafe except the times I had to walk along the Escravos river in the dark. All that didn't even hit home until later when I saw a monitor lizard about 12-14 ft long there. I used to hate that Friday morning meeting chore, an insanity perpetuated by the Boss just because he was a boss. A rah-rah session to sleepy and distant minions..

I can say that I was totally surprised flying into Amsterdam that once. We dropped out of the clouds from Africa to.... GREEN!. WHY it was green I have absolutely no idea, because it was still cold, but it was. THAT was after a fight with my company trying to save the airline dime and fly me through Ankara, Turkey. Whose airport got bombed a few days later. Yes, it was an experience for sure. I'm not getting the Jones to go back.

[Riley Smith]

PS...those sky miles added up in a hurry on that run. The company people had it made because they flew business class but I was a lowly contractor. I'd upgrade to one of the best economy seats and suffer through. I saved those awards and had to send my daughter to Michigan once because of a funeral on the spur of the moment. We took a couple of trips on them too, and I've STILL got a few. I did fly over and back the LAST time in business class and enjoyed that flight the most of any. I was beginning to worry about the secondary airline in Nigeria by the time I left. The economy there was terrible at the time and I could see the possibility of bad things happening.

[Norm L.]

I did one business to Amsterdam and one to Tokyo, both with wife and the company paying with a lot of miles that had piled up. Now I'm happy with the few extra $$ for Economy+ and room for my legs.
I did get a free trip decades ago in one of the first 747s. It was to Tokyo and in the upper First-Class deck. There were only 6 people up there. The staff could slack off when they brought me the meal, they just handed me a whole bottle of wine.

[noelH]

Two choices of major airline out of DLH (Duluth,MN). Delta and United. Prices are similar. Schedules are similar. Delta flies to MSP(Minneapolis/St.Paul). United flies to ORD(Chicago). Direct flights to anywhere? None that I'm aware of.

Winter season I prefer Delta. MSP deals better than ORD with snow related issues. But Delta is not my preferred airline. Have yet since the beginning of this millennium not have a delayed, cancelled leg flying Delta.  Do rack up some token sky miles for the delays.  Last X'mas the flight from DLH to MSP was delayed, delayed again, and again... Figured they were going to cancel it. Which they ended up doing. Proactive took a shuttle bus down to MSP to catch my rebooked connecting flight. So all ended up fine outside taking almost 20 hrs to fly from DLH to BOS.  ~$700 ticket. Delta's refund for the one DLH to MSP leg was $49. Less than 1/3 the cost of a one way for the same leg. Delta keeps reinforcing my dislike for them. At least the flight crews and gate personnel at Delta have been first rate.

[Wayne Howard]

I really detest flying these days. You are on a domestic flight and you have a valid ID but the Terrorist Society of America still has to x-ray you. This (for me) puts a real damper on the joy of moving quickly across the country.

A flight from San Antonio to Pensacola runs 4+ hours and $250 while I can drive from here to there in 12 hours for $70 in gas. Woe unto you if you need a flight TODAY due to a pop up tropical storm. I don't see the ratios changing any time soon so I'll keep driving for the foreseeable future.   

(Where the hell is the soapbox emoji?) 

[Charles Brennan]

Wayne, Haven't been on a jet airliner since before I retired. I no longer fly Gestapo Air; done been grope-searched for the very last time by a TSA guy who liked his job a LEETLE TOO MUCH,    if ya know what I mean!  San Francisco International, yet.  Besides the personal indignities, was the feeling I got watching them go through my stuff and seeing how trivial it would be, for a Real Terrorist to get most any stuff, past their clue-less-ness.  I was just starting to inventory various different security by-pass methods, when alluva sudden-like, I recoiled in shock.   
I was being radicalized by my own government!   
I don't WANT to have those kinds of feelings! That's not who I am. So I no longer fly.

Sad, too.
Used to LOVE flying in jets.
It started back in the 80's when they started measuring my Schrade+ and saying stuff like:
"WE know you're ok Mr. Brennan, but what if a hijacker tried to get a hold of your knife?" 
"His new nickname would be "Nubs". Next question."     

Then, post 9-11, no Schrade+'s, no nerd-pack with tools.  My push button pen-like Xacto blade used to be quite popular on domestic flights; I was the only guy to be able to quickly get into the complimentary packs of peanuts!!  Used to zip them open for EVERYBODY!    

Boss wanted me to fly to Orlando, once, for a trade seminar.
Pointed out that having to leave 45 minutes early for travel time to the airport, plus the recommended two hours early for the security checks, plus the nearly an hour for boarding, 45 minutes flight time, plus an hour getting a rental car, was 5½ hours and I could drive there in 3½ hours and ALREADY have a vehicle to drive around with!

Unless you have to go to the ends of the country, most flights take LONGER by plane for short flights, (compared to vehicles) because of all the built-in delays!   
Prefer to drive, with my Schrade+ comfortably at my side and zipping open snacks with my Xacto.   

One guy's opinion,
Charles Brennan

[Frank B.]

Never flew a lot, mostly for business and sometimes for vacation, mostly domestic but a few to various places in Mexico and Canada and once to Europe, but have mostly quit now.  Since retired an annual trip to Colorado to ski was it.  I've even quit that, now I drive.  Lot of factors in that decision, but mostly the poor old back.  Skiing has a lot of luggage, a ski bag, a boot bag, a snowshoe bag for my wife who no longer skis, two duffel bags and two personal carry on bags.  So I load it in the car, drive to the airport, take it out of the car, get a cart, haul it too the gate, arrive in Denver but can't go straight up to the lodge wife has to have at least twelve hours at 5k or so or she will get altitude sickness at 10K. So get the luggage, put it on the hotel shuttle, off load it and take it to the room, next morning load it back on the shuttle, then load it on the rental car shuttle, off load it at the rental car office, load it into the rental car, and finally offload it at the ski lodge.  Repeat, without the extra night, coming home.  Then there was the blizzard, two nights in the Denver airport, with no consideration given for the fact we were in our seventies with regard to priority for rerouting. 

Now we drive.  I load everything in the car with one small overnight bag with our stuff for the trip.  We stop in a very nice B & B in Lindsborg KS, and only the one small bag comes in.  We stop a second night in Evergreen CO for the wife's decompression night with just the one small bag, then on to the lodge and take the rest of the day to unload the rest of the luggage.  BLizzard? not to worry just stay an extra night, ski an extra day, and the car is a Subaru Outback straining at the bit to play in the snow on the return trip. Often stop to visit friends and ex neighbors in Tulsa as we lived there for eight years.  I drive at a leisurely pace, the trip is relaxing, the back is happy, and we do not have to go through the TSA grope.

[Norm L.]

The good news is that I have aged out of being groped. The sad news is that I have aged out of ever being groped again by anyone.

Rather than do a job trip where 3/4s of it is waiting, we would drive. An early morning job in Houston would be leaving New Orleans between 3 and 4, doing the job in Houston for 1-2 hours, then drive home for dinner.
Work in Panama City was at times the same with 12 hours of driving round trip with 1-2 hours there.
Those odd and long hours were common. Getting up at 2 or 3 to catch a sunrise helo ride offshore.
For the first 5 years of the business the two of us would drive around 35,000 miles a year. And we liked driving.
You never knew what might happen on a day (or during a night) and that's what made the career fun.

[Riley Smith]

The security officials in Lagos were suspect. In a country where corruption is as common as breathing air, it gave you pause thinking about some terrorist with a pocket full of cash. The saving grace was the AIRLINE that did their OWN security scanning, and did it right too, I might add. Some of the guys gripped about the extra wait until I asked about the above scenario of a bad guy with cash. Never heard another word after that. Some folks have never played chess and only think past the first down marker.

[noelH]

Looking like another windless day .  At least the pile of laundry gets done while I'm here online. More airline adventures.

Flying out of Cairo on Luft... was interesting. My IIRC 7kg carry-on (my only luggage) was ~100gm overweight. I guess I could have opened it up and just squeezed out 100ml of RedSea salt water from the soggy windsurfing gear or just removed the soggy rash guard. I asked. The European looking check-in person went Nazi.  Wasn't going to push it. Probably was not happy being stationed in Cairo vs. anywheres in the EU. Security was interesting upon arriving in Frankfurt. Nothing like having to go through border control and security twice.

Flying into and out of the few latin american countries traveled to has always been interesting. All the con artist working the airport area. Inside and outside. Also behind the departure counter. Caracas International(CCS) which is actually located along the coast in the seaside town of Maiquetia is actually a nice and safe (inside) facility. There is an air-conditioned passage way between the international and domestic terminal within the security area. No need to go through security again. But, I end up always stopped by the National Guard uniformed security.  Just need to show passport.  They have never been an issue. Regional and local law enforcement is another issue. Just like local airports.

Have visited Isla de Margarita eleven times over a period stretching from 1996 to 2011. Playa El Yaque is a primo high wind windsurfing venue. Think F4 is a very light wind day. F5 is a ok day. F6 is common. One trip upon departing from Polmar "international" on a domestic flight to CCS the counter agent said no record of e-ticket.  aka, pay for another one way ticket in cash that goes into his pocket.  Luckily, the person working at the tourist information booth right behind me knew me. He use to be a bartender at our favorite beach bar. Over the years developed some good and close relationships with the locals. Simple to do. Just treat everyone like how you would want to be treated. Respect local customs. Plus a few incidents of racking up some machismo points. He overheard the conversation and came to my rescue. All of a sudden my name appeared.

Anyone ever invited into the "room".  IAH, our entry gateway airport to the USA was interesting one year. 4 of us were "randomly" selected to visit the "room". Very through questioning, complete and detailed examination of our checked and carryon luggage. One agent asking the questions. 4 others with some significant fire power watching us. One of the "guests" got a bit belligerent. We were told to remain silent unless asked a question. He really cooled down fast when you noticed the 4 with their weapons being repositioned. It was an "interesting" moment. Overall impressed with the professional behavior of the officials. Unlike the TSA people at MDW one Christmas. Another story for another time.

[Norm L.]

I have been in "the room" twice.
Once was going to Canada at the request of a Canadian company to look at a Canadian ship. Immagration took me into the room and was irate that an American was taking the job that a Canadian could do. I had to explain that the ship was involved in a damage incident in New Orleans, and I was the one originally involved and had to do the follow up.

Walking on an overgrown rotting wooden dock I stepped in a hole and damaged a knee. Happily, I needed no surgery, but it ended my running career and switched me over to distance bike riding and camping. My knee was in a compression sleeve, and I had a slight limp. I had to go to Curacao to look at a McAllister tug in drydock and it was via Miami.
On the way back changing planes in Miami, I walked by a door and in less than 5 seconds two men had me in a room. Of course, my limp was the typical sign of Bubba bringing herbs back from the Carribean tucked under a sleeve or bandages.

My one victory was a trip to Portugal. Before the trip I went to a thrift store and amazingly found a white nubby silk sport coat and a really cool pair of Italian soft leather loafers. All under $10. I've always had my LL Bean foldable straw hat. I got off the plane in Lisbon and walked toward the tourist immigration line and a security guard waved at me and directed me to the Portuguese citizen line. I don't know that I've ever looked like a local, except maybe Australia or NZ. Until I spoke like a Yank.

[Krusen]

I flew to Frankfort with my son, a business trip for him, fun for me.  all went well going over.

We returned to the airport very early, as we had stayed at the airport hotel.  As a result, we were touring all around the airport, including its small aviation museum.  Unknown to us, we gained the attention of the airport gestapo, quantity two, plain clothes.  Note that I use the small 'g'.

As we started for the gate as departure time approached, they approached us, and after a short conversation, and a request to see the contents of my sons backpack, things went down hill.  They confiscated the memory chips (Remember when they were small rectangles with 8 lags, that plugged into a computer card?).  He was accused of smuggling secrets out of the country, either militarily, or technology.

Indeed, it did have military secure data, he had brought new cards for the communication equipment his company sold to the military, and my son was the engineer who had created the new cards, and wrote the software to make it run properly.  The memory chips were the revised software from tweaks to exactly match their link to the German equipment.  They were the only copies, and needed to properly program the subsequent cards to be shipped later.  The prototype set were left in service.

They had no interest in me, as I was carrying nothing, all checked through.  I went to the check in, and advised that the airport security had my son, and he would be along soon.  Frankfort is in Germany, and everything is done by the book, they would not check him in until he presented his ticket.

Just before boarding time he appeared, they pointed out the sign that required check in 30 minutes before scheduled boarding time, and he had lost his seat.  I pointed out that I had informed them that security had delayed him, and he was not responsible for his late check in.  Nope, the is Frankfort, he has violated the posted rule, his seat has been transferred to a standby passenger.

Eventually, the standby passenger arrived to take his seat, I refused to allow him to sit on the seat reserved for my son, who was in the boarding area.  He called a flight attendant, who explained that was no longer my son's seat, and please move over into my own seat.  I explained that if my son was not in the seat, the occupant would be aware of that fact all the way across the Atlantic Ocean.  Additionally, all the nearby passengers would know that my son was at the boarding area, and the man next to me was in his seat.  They would be hearing that all the way across the ocean, too.  The flight attendants had a conference, the passenger was removed, and my son came down the aisle to his seat.

He said he did not know what happened, they just told him to board the plane.  The couple across the aisle laughed, and told him his Dad could be very persuasive!  They were clearly relieved that the airline changed its mind.

The trip home was uneventful, we both had a good nap, as many others near us did.

He did escape Germany with his data chips.